Procrastination, anxiety and all that

 It's always weird how our brains work. We get worried over ridiculous things and the grey matter won't let go. Sinks its proverbial teeth into the idea/fear and just shakes and shakes, with drool getting everywhere until you're frozen with indecision.

When, in the end, it didn't even matter. Fears are unfounded, the disappointment you were afraid was going to come, didn't. I like making things, but my fear of it not being good enough always keeps me from offering these things to others. There are so many other talented people out there, and I LOVE buying their things, I love wearing and showing off their things. And I like when I have an idea, I like that I know mostly how to make it happen. But the impostor syndrome is heavy. I envy anyone who knows their worth and doesn't have to have it pounded into their heads that it's ok, it's good, it's 'just fine'. 

Honestly, I'm tired of exhausting myself with these silly emotions that hold me back. Breaking free is the hardest part, isn't it. I worked so hard to get somewhere, so many years ago and it all came to a screeching halt and I've been clawing my way back to just a portion of that feeling ever since. I'm also afraid of failing to continue. I fight myself so much, daily that the attempt to hold oneself accountable is sometimes the entire battle and I still end up getting nothing done. 

What a vicious circle. 

So, today I vow to stop punishing myself (so much, I'mma try... Ok ok, I promise I will try to stop ) I'm going to try to enjoy my ability. I'm also going to make sure, to let all of the people I appreciate, know that I do, (so, so much) and then I'm going to go put up some more shelves for the craft room.

♦♦♦

In the meantime, enjoy this pretty, pretty picture I took this morning. The base skin is Deetalez' new Kayla skin (Celtic) and I just LOVE those Kayla addon eyebags. (I'm a sucker for eyebags even though my IRL ones aren't as pretty) I'm probably going to try using them on all my favorite skins from here on out. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Deetalez
Kayla skin EvoX (Celtic)
Deetalez Addons
Sunkissed
Eyeshadow tintable
Contouring
alt eyelid
eyebags
Button Nose
Freckles
Realface
Other Layers
Cazimi Kissable Lips EvoX
Cazimi Nemesis Eyeliner
Cazimi Vanilla Subtle Eyeliner
Cake Inc Puff Love Blusher EvoX
Swallow Deetalez Celtic Ear layer
Song Cherri Mint Eye (BOM)

LittleFish Piercings
Desire
Iris
Swallow
Pixie Gauged S Ears
Earrings Pixie Gauged S01
Other Items
Lelutka Gaia
Magika hair Oats
Static Geodemon Horns (Ultrarare)

Be beautiful, experiment wildly and without fear. And always remember, Make a copy!
Love each other, care about one another;
Much love, Lumi 

I stand with:
BLM, PRIDE, UKRAINE

Call of the Void

 

It's strong, magnetic.
Do you jump?
No, you just laugh it off and continue on your way,
with the unsettling thought of how easy it would have been just to embrace that soft, nudging little whisper.

 

Head/Body
Lelutka Prim 3.1
Ebody Reborn
Kottr Squishy Thighs

Tattoos/Accessories
Shiny Stuffs
Nefekalum
AERTH
Nanite Systems
Izzie's
LadyBird
Cazimi
Deetalez (skin and skin details)
GLOOM (eyes)
Enfer Sombre (brows)
MONSO (hair)
Stoic (Ears/tail)
Cerridwen's Cauldron (antlers)
FACS (clothes)
LittleFish (belly piercing)
PENDULUM (Left hand claws)
L'Emporio&PL (right hand claws)
COLES CORNER (particle effects)
E X E
SashiMIA (thigh ring)

Be beautiful, experiment wildly and without fear. And always remember, Make a copy!
Love each other, care about one another;
Much love, Lumi 

I stand with:
BLM, PRIDE, UKRAINE

It's been a while, I forget this is here.

It's not on purpose; I promise.

Lots of things have been going on this last year,
into this year and it's been both scary, and
exciting. It's hard sometimes to think about the
extra things that you should be thinking about
and I guess this is why I don't get to do more things
or be more things. But most days I'm ok with that.

However, today I was so shocked, dismayed and more than
a little disgusted, (ok a lot disgusted) by some of the things
I was reading on social media.

Where the hell has people's brains gone? When did literally
everything NOT like oneself become something to attack?
I can't even, and my brain refuses to comprehend how people
can be so fucking ugly to each other and to others they might
not agree with. When did it become OK? I know when it became
OK, but I don't like it and I don't discuss politics.
Be kind to each other. Be mindful of each other, CARE for one
another. So much that I read this morning just made me absolutely
horrifically angry I went and mopped my freakin' house without MUSIC

Do you know how boring that is? No music while cleaning? That's how
mad I was, because I wanted to THINK about what I'd seen.

I had planned on making some giant rant about how terrible I thought everyone was, and then decided, what was the point. It wasn't going to change anything. People were still going to be disgustingly ugly inside and open their mouth and spew that trash all over everything they saw in an attempt to make everyone else as miserable and hateful as they were too. So instead, I just took a picture. (a few)
That's it, just a picture to reflect my mood.

If it's your entire personality to shit on others, because it's not what YOU think something should be? Whether it be in SL or RL, I don't care, you suck as a human and you should be ashamed of yourself and reevaluate who you are as a person, and I don't want anything to do with you. Take your ugly mind out of the gutter for 5 seconds and appreciate something as it is and not what you see it to be, freakin' weirdos.

“They say everything looks better with odd numbers of things. But sometimes I put even numbers — just to upset the critics.”
Bob Ross

 

 

Details:
LeLUTKA Prim
Ebody Reborn
Foxy (hair)
Littlefish (piercings)
Deetalez Aida (skin base)
Deetalez (Various BOM addons)
Izzie's (Various BOM addons)
Enfer Sombre (Sumire skin brows)
Nanite Systems (Metasyn tattoo lines)
Cazimi (Eyeliner)
SashiMIA (various addons)
Lotus (gacha eyes applier)

Be beautiful, experiment wildly and without fear. And always remember, Make a copy!
Much love, Lumi 

I stand with:
BLM, PRIDE, UKRAINE